In Montenegro, I encountered a parenting style I had never seen before – very humane. As a mother, this attitude toward children was a complete revelation to me. I had been to other countries before and even lived in Germany for a while, but maybe because of my age back then or because I didn’t have a child yet, I hadn’t noticed much difference between parenting abroad and in Russia.
Montenegrin Attitudes Toward Children
But here… In Montenegro, children are not just loved – they are worshipped. I had never seen anything like it in my life! Honestly! And what’s more – it’s not just in one particular family, no – all parents here look at their child as if they were a little god. They never yell at them, never hit them, maybe only tug gently on an earlobe, and even then they try not to do it in public. The worst they might say is something like: “Aren’t you ashamed?”
Yet, despite this deep love, I wouldn’t say they’re always actively entertaining their kids. At clinics, for example, hardly anyone brings toys. Many children sit quietly next to their mothers for hours, waiting their turn. This amazed me, especially since I compare it to my own lively child. Even toddlers just sit calmly in their parent’s arms, sucking on a fist or drooling on clothes, not showing any wild curiosity. But if a baby is with his dad, the father will be constantly kissing him. Here, kids are literally smothered in affection by their dads.)
The Role of Fathers in Montenegrin Families
Speaking of Montenegrin fathers — they deserve a special mention. They say fathers are like this in Serbia, Croatia, and Italy too. In those countries, parenting is also built on absolute love for the child.
These dads are so patient! Like angels! I once saw a scene in a hotel: a little 18-month-old girl was throwing a huge tantrum, either not eating at all or screaming for food. Her dad, a big guy of about forty, calmly sat there peeling an egg for her while she sobbed in her high chair. Not one word of complaint! He just… did it, silently. I didn’t even see the mother until the very last day of our stay (we were on vacation). On the final morning, she showed up, sat at the opposite end of the table – and it was still the dad who fed the child! He also took her for walks, always held her… while the mom was off skiing. Oh, how I envied her!))
I saw the same thing in playrooms – dads watching their kids, stepping in calmly to explain something if needed. And the children listen! They really do! They seem to obey dads even more than moms. Somehow, the fathers just know how to connect with them.
Family Size and Traditions in Montenegro
In general, Montenegrin families typically have at least three children – that’s the norm! And they have them one after another, regardless of financial status. The logic is: there are siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles – they’ll help. And later in life, the kids will support each other when their parents are gone. They won’t be alone and will always have someone to count on. Family ties and traditions are very strong here. As soon as a woman gives birth, everyone starts asking, “So, when’s the next one?” – meaning within a year or so, there will be a second baby. I once saw a young mom on a playground – she was pushing her two-year-old daughter on a swing, while her slightly older son was sliding down a slide. I thought, “Wow, that must be tough with kids so close in age.” But then she turned slightly, and I saw… she was heavily pregnant! My jaw dropped. That kind of courage is rare in Russian women!))
Child Independence and Safety in Montenegro
Still, I don’t really like how children here are often left to themselves. They kind of grow like wild grass. They figure out on their own what’s allowed and what’s not. No one scolds them unless they’re doing something dangerous. Moms can sit drinking coffee by the road and smoke (yes, even with kids right there), while the little ones run around nearby. Somehow, they’re convinced the kids will be fine. My husband and I are always on guard – we never let our child out of sight. Maybe we should relax more, but it’s a child – anything can happen in a second! Although I must say, the country really is very safe for children. For example, our neighbors let their 9- and 5-year-olds go play football and basketball on a playground that’s out of sight from their house. In Russia, moms often accompany their kids even into their teens – it really is scary back home. But here, even Russian tourists let their kids wander freely during the summer. They’ll let them go buy pizza on the promenade and bring it back to the beach – and the kids stroll around in swimsuits like it’s nothing. In Russia, that would be unimaginable. You just don’t leave a teenage girl alone like that, even for a short time.
Anyway, I just wanted to share my thoughts and observations on how children are raised in Montenegro. Draw your own conclusions, but I’m absolutely sure that Russian parents could learn a thing or two about patience from these warm-hearted Mediterranean people.
