You’ve been living in Montenegro for too long if…
…when welcoming guests, you offer a glass of water, coffee, or a shot of rakija.
…for you, breakfast means burek or pita. Đevrek, krofne, croissants, and the rest are just silly inventions for show-offs.
…you start and end every day with a cup of coffee — and you’re capable of drinking it 20 times a day.
…you laugh at “super-healthy” McDonald’s hamburgers because you know that pljeskavica is much tastier.
…you know that yogurt is not a tiny, colorful, sweet treat, but a one-liter bag of a kefir-like drink — only better.
…you enjoy sitting on a café terrace, sipping coffee and watching passersby.
…a restaurant where lunch costs €10 per person seems expensive to you.
…you refuse to enter a café where a mug of beer costs more than €1.50.
…a dent in your car’s fender no longer seems like a reason to rush to the repair shop.
…a five-liter jeep just makes you wonder how much fuel that “nouveau riche pride” must consume.
…you’re used to your shoes wearing out faster than they get dirty — after all, there’s no mud in the country.
…when stopped by the police for not using your headlights, you don’t rush out waving your license — you calmly wait with the window down for the officer to approach you.
…you believe swimming in the sea with water colder than 24°C is madness.
…you’re genuinely surprised to find a day on the calendar without any religious holiday.
…you can’t recall any toast other than “ŽIVELI!”
…you feel sleepy after lunch.
…you’re getting used to the custom of kissing acquaintances (and even semi-strangers) three times at every meeting and farewell.
…you say hello not only to your neighbors but to everyone in your area.
…you don’t take your shoes off when visiting someone’s home — there’s no need, they’re clean.
…you speak Russian with your Russian friends but keep forgetting basic words and replacing them with Montenegrin ones.
…when meeting someone you know, you start the whole kissing ritual without noticing you’re blocking a bus.
…when someone says they live on the “first floor,” you no longer ask, “Do you mean the first or the ground floor?”
…you don’t really want to go back to your home country anymore.
